


Broken and Healing

by Asami_Sato



Category: The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Body Horror, Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Graphic Description, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Limbs, M/M, Magic, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-10 16:43:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18664318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asami_Sato/pseuds/Asami_Sato
Summary: He had managed to push away the nagging pain shooting from his right arm for the duration of his journey, knowing full well that the binding was still present. He knew what was going to happen, he couldn’t pretend to ignore it. He had bound himself, and part of his mission failed; he had to pay the price.---Runaan returns home, but can't avoid a certain fate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> oh boy this has some BODY HORROR and DESCRIPTIONS OF INJURIES and the PROCESS OF LOSING AN ARM so please if you're sensitive to any of those PLEASE DON'T READ THIS
> 
> thank you to my friend @jadeandslash on twitter for the title! :)
> 
> I found this idea on twitter (I'm unsure of who op is), and it was originally about callum supporting rayla. if you are op please tweet me @thewlwswin and I will give you full credit for the idea

He’s home.

After almost a month in Katolis, a trip he took because of the mission to kill the king, which resulted in his imprisonment in the castle’s dungeon and in turn, a coin, he’s finally back home in Xadia. He falls into Tinker’s arms, all of the exhaustion and despair that’s been building since the night he was thrown in jail finally becoming known to him, as he finally feels comfortable enough to allow himself to be vulnerable. He feels tears begin to slip from his eyes as he holds his husband close, strangled noises leaving his lips as he fails to form words. He feels Tinker hold him, trying to keep him as one piece, as he falls apart in his arms. The sunfire elf whispers soft reassurances into his ear, and it helps, it does. It pushes away the number of worries on his mind in the moment: his deep fatigue, the fact that he has no idea what happened to his entire team, the trauma of being captured into a coin, and the fact that his body feels like it’s falling apart.

His arm.

He had managed to push away the nagging pain shooting from his right arm for the duration of his journey, knowing full well that the binding was still present. He knew what was going to happen, he couldn’t pretend to ignore it. He had bound himself, and part of his mission failed; he had to pay the price. 

Binding was a normal part of being an assassin. He had performed multiple rituals throughout his career, but they always ended up falling off in the end. To his relief, he never had to face the tragic fate of losing his hand or arm due to a failed mission. Runaan always managed to get lucky, he thinks, as his squads always seemed to get the job done, almost scrambling, so as to ensure no one lost any limbs as a consequence. 

This time, though, it was different. 

The smooth material of the binding ribbon turns coarse and cutting as it bites into his skin, ripping apart the first layer of skin. The flesh of his arm becomes jagged and imprinted with the burns from the rough material; blood accumulating as the binding ascends deeper into his arm. It nags at the assassin until he can’t ignore it anymore, as he pulls away from Tinker, gritting his teeth as he closes in on himself. The sunfire elf is confused until he studies the situation and notices the horrible state of Runaan’s arm. His eyes widen.

“Oh no.” he whispers to himself. In the midst of their reunion, the craftsman didn’t consider the fact that part of the mission failed a priority. That was, in part, due to the fact that he had forgotten about the binding ritual. He was just happy that his husband was safe, back home, and in one piece. He should’ve reconsidered that last part. Runaan is exhausted, and they both wish he didn’t have to go through this inevitable fate, at least not now. 

He quickly assesses his possible plans of action. They needed to get to a hospital, fast. There was no way he could stay here and risk losing his arm at their home, neither of them knew anything about the medical procedure or of discarding the limb. His mind spins as he thinks of the discarded limb, but he forces himself to remain present. His husband needed him. Thankfully, the nearest hospital was only a 20 minute walk. It was short, considering how much farther other things were from their secluded home, but it was going to be a feat for the tired assassin, who not only had to battle his fatigue, but also the seething pain from his arm. Tinker turned to Runaan, who was wincing and trying his best to numb the pain in any way he could. 

“Hey,” he starts, gently, trying to break the assassin’s attention away from the burning pain of his arm. “We need to get you to a hospital.” Runaan pauses, and then nods. He knows what’s going to happen, and although he would much rather collapse and just stay stagnant, he can’t do that. 

Tinker inches closer, not wanting to overwhelm his husband as he endured a multitude of things at once. He waits for Runaan to move first. The moonshadow elf extends his good arm, asking for his hand. Tinker’s heart jumps, and he takes his hand, squeezing it gently. Runaan’s eyes meet his, and their eyes tell of protection and undying devotion to each other. 

They begin their journey towards the hospital, neither of them letting go of the other’s hand. What they needed the most now was each other, and Tinker was ready to stay by the assassin’s side as long as he needed him to. Runaan continues to wince and groan as they make the trek, the dark circles under his eyes becoming more prominent as the minutes dragged on.

“I can carry you” Tinker offers, wanting to minimize the moonshadow elf’s pain as much as he could. He almost protests, but then decides it’s for the best, his pain outweighing his stubbornness. The craftsman scoops him up almost effortlessly, and Runaan wishes he had the mental energy to swoon over his strong husband, but the best he can muster is a proud, lovestruck glance, which Tinker smirks at. The assassin wraps his good arm around the sunfire elf’s neck, and they resume their journey. 

The pain doesn’t stop however, as Runaan hides his face in Tinker’s neck, tears beginning to fall on the golden markings that paint his neck. 

“It’s ok, it’s ok.” he soothed, voice gentle and reassuring. “I’m right here.” he began rubbing soothing circles into his side, trying his best to comfort the distraught elf. The blood pouring from his injury began to stain his shirt, but he didn’t mind, he instead paid full attention to the despaired assassin in his arms. 

Runaan looked so different, his face distressed and vulnerable as he suffered through pain he couldn’t distract himself from. He couldn’t run from or escape his fate; the reality of the situation continuously berated him, leaving his mind temporarily only to come back stronger and worse than before. The heavy feeling in his chest grew in tandem with the binding that continued to gnaw away at his flesh. The pain was unlike anything else he’d ever experienced; nowhere near past injuries: breaking bones, fractures, deep cuts, falling from trees, and more mishaps he’s encountered in his almost two decades as an assassin. All of those injuries hurt, of course, but this was a unique type of pain. He could feel his arm literally ripping apart, as the binding grew impossibly closer to the second layer of his arm, having already suffocated the violently dark purple flesh. His consciousness fades in and out, as the pain pulsates through his entire body in brutal, sluggish waves, choking his vision; black spots appearing, multiplying in numbers. The last thing he can make out is Tinker’s soothing voice telling him that they were almost there, almost at the hospital, and that he was going to be okay.

He’s not so sure.

Tinker glances down, mystified by the fact that the heartwrenching groans of pain and tears had suddenly stopped, only to be greeted by the horrifying sight of the now passed out moonshadow elf. His heart drops, the colour leaving his face before noticing that he was still breathing. His heart warms with relief with the knowledge that his husband was still alive, however, his arm was getting worse, and he couldn’t risk it falling off before they reached the hospital. Thankfully, they were only five minutes away from the nearest emergency room. 

“Hey, hey, wake up.” he tries, gently shaking his good shoulder in an attempt to wake him up. “Moonlight, we’re almost there. You’ll be okay.” his voice shakes, but he takes a deep breath, composing himself. It wasn’t about him right now. Tinker suddenly takes off, desperate to reach the hospital as quickly as possible. His steps turn haggard, disarrayed, as he sprints beyond his physical capabilities. 

They finally reach the hospital, and suddenly Runaan wakes up, colour coming back to his face. Tinker pauses from catching his breath to gape in relief at his husband, grateful that he had regained consciousness. Multiple factors hit the moonshadow elf at once as he comes back to reality: his arm feels worse than ever, and they’re outside a hospital. Panic begins to swirl in his head as he realizes he is about to lose his arm. He observes his surroundings in a frenzy, his eyes shifting from the doctors approaching him, to his husband, and finally, to his arm, which is the darkest shade of purple he’s ever seen. His mind spins as he harshly tears his eyes away from his arm, shocked by the disturbing sight. 

Tinker starts talking to the doctors, and it doesn’t take much for them to realize what’s happening. They recognize Runaan, knowing him as the leader of the moonshadow assassins. Word had spread around the villages, speculating about the fate of the assassins as they hadn’t arrived home in the usual time they had in the past. They need not ask about the other assassins, as they quickly make a plan on what to do about the moonshadow elf’s dying arm. 

Runaan tries his best to steady himself as he listens to the sunfire elf and the doctors plan. He inhales deeply, trying his best to distract himself from the searing pain and inevitable fate, knowing it would go over better if he at least tried to be a bit calm. It helped, and it didn’t. Tinker notices this and he offers him a small, proud smile, resuming his reassuring touch, hoping it provided some comfort. They finalize their plan and suddenly begin encouraging the assassin into a private, secluded room. His heart drops, realizing that this is it. Tinker carries him into the room, holding him closer than before.

“You’re going to be okay, moonlight. I promise. I love you so much.” he reassures, voice soft and calming, anchoring Runaan to earth when he feels like he could drift away into oblivion. 

Runaan presses their foreheads together before Tinker lowers him into the hospital chair, gently caressing the markings on his cheek; a gesture that meant more than either of them could put into words. For a second, his eyes flicker with a soft, profound love, unlike the terror and pain that had filled his eyes during their journey. 

“I love you.” his voice was warm, but broken as the pain intensified. The sunfire elf smiled, and carefully lowered him into the chair. Runaan held his hand out for support, and Tinker took it quickly, never letting him forget that he was by his side.

As they were discussing what the plan of action was, the doctors decided that it was best to try to distract Runaan as the binding dug into his arm. The process of his arm being cut away by the binding was already well underway, and it wouldn’t be long until it, along with the ribbon, fell off. After the arm had fallen off, the doctors would quickly discard of it in a respectful manner. After that, Runaan would be bandaged, and have the wound taken care of. It would heal in under a month, and he was to stay at the hospital for a week while he recovered. He’d have the chance to catch up on sleep, something he desperately needed after his tumultuous journey. Tinker would stay with him through it all. 

The moonshadow elf continued to grimace and contort his face in pain, gasping as the ribbon grew deeper. It tore away at his flesh and had begun breaking the inside of his arm. The sounds were awful, and the craftsman thought of ways to minimize the horrible sounds and extreme tension that filled the room.

He suddenly thought of a good idea, and wondered how he hadn’t thought of it before, kicking himself. Focusing his energy, his markings began to glow softly, transferring the healing magic to the other elf. Although it didn’t completely erase his pain, a fraction of the tension in his face fell away, as Tinker’s light being form soothed his agony. 

Runaan squeezed his hand. “You don’t have to do that for me.” the sunfire elf gaped at him in shock before he corrected himself. “Just don’t wear yourself out, please.” 

Tinker looked in his eyes intently. “I won’t.” 

The golden markings continued to radiate a beautiful, shimmery luminosity, channeling soothing waves for the moonshadow elf, fighting the scorching discomfort pulsating from his arm. The assassin’s strangled gasps and extreme discomfort subsided for a couple of minutes, as he enjoyed the momentary relief Tinker’s lightbeing form provided. He mentally noted that he would have to thank his husband for exerting this great deal of energy for him later, but he didn’t know how he could possibly convey how grateful he was. The usage of lightbeing or heatbeing powers was often draining to an elf’s energy if they channeled it for a long time, or demanded a lot of power in a short amount of time. Although he appreciated the temporary relief from his pain, he hated seeing his husband drained from using too much of his powers.

His window of relief was suddenly interrupted by a brazen, intense pain shooting from his right arm. Runaan let out a choked, distrungled noise, as the binding drew closer and closer. The ribbon had gnawed away at most of his arm, and it was only a matter of minutes until it was to fall off. Tinker glanced at the scene quickly, darting his eyes from the harrowing injury to his husband’s blue eyes, which were once again filled with anguish and pain. 

“Hey, look at me. You’re ok. I know it hurts.” Tinker soothed, squeezing his hand and drawing closer so that he could gently cradle his face. The doctors inched closer, preparing to grab the arm as it fell, moving it out of sight. Runaan gritted his teeth and panted, sweat beginning to form on his forehead. “You’re so brave, and I’m so proud of you. You’re going to get through this.” he smoothed his hair away from his face, making sure it was one less thing that might get in his way or overwhelm him further. 

“Deep breaths, okay? Let’s try.” he encouraged, taking the lead, taking a deep breath, waiting for his husband to follow. Runaan grimaced and faintly squeezed his hand, but mustered a semi deep breath. Tinker smiled, proud, and resumed his demonstration, heart soaring when the other followed, his breathing improving, even as he endured immense pain. “You’re doing great. I’m so proud of you.” the sunfire elf enthused.

Runaan smiled weakly before the awful sounds began again, worsening as the ribbon cut away at his arm. He leaned forward, closing in on himself, and let out a heartbreaking, strangled noise as the binding seared into his skin and at last, fell onto the hospital floor, the arm almost following before being gently caught by one of the doctors. He panted, almost glancing at the discarded arm before sharply tearing his eyes away, falling into Tinker’s chest. Tinker breathed a sigh of relief, glad that the pain was over now. He threw his arms around his husband, rubbing his back soothingly as the other wept into his chest from exhaustion and pain. To their dismay, the doctors soon returned with bandages and disinfectants. Once he was all bandaged, neither of them quite knew what to do next. The fatigue on Runaan’s face was more present than ever, his eyes drearily blinking as he tried to process what had just happened.

Tinker gently grasped his hand. “Maybe you should get some sleep.” he suggested. He nodded, agreeing, and the sunfire elf moved to adjust his pillow for him, wanting him to be comfortable. 

He fell back against the pillows easily, his mind thanking him for finally being able to slow down and sleep. Sleep quickly overtook him before he could stop it, but not before grasping his husband’s hand again. He tried his best to form words to thank him for being by his side, for using his healing powers, and a list of other things, but judging by the slightly silly smile on Tinker’s face, it probably sounded like nonsense. The sunfire elf leans over him and kisses his forehead.  


“Rest now.” he whispers, delicately combing his hair away from his face before sitting by his bedside, holding his hand as he slept. He inhaled deeply, processing everything that just happened. As he was reviewing everything that had just occurred over the past few hours, he knew one thing for sure. He was ultimately grateful that his beloved was back home, safe, and okay. The assassin was injured, tired, and sad, but he thanked the universe that he was still alive.

Runaan wakes up as the sun is rising. His mind is clearer than before, and he feels well rested. The pillows and blanket are something he hasn’t felt since he left for the mission, and he is infinitely grateful for their comfort. Relishing in the softness, he allows himself to lay still for a few more moments, savouring what he so dearly missed. Minutes later, he opens his eyes, and is met with the sight of Tinker, resting his head comfortably on his legs, which were covered by soft blankets. His heart warms as he realizes that the sunfire elf had been holding his hand the entire time, never leaving his side; frowning when he realizes how uncomfortable he must be. The moonshadow elf shifts his body so that he can grab one of the many pillows he was resting on, and stealthily places it under his husband’s head. Moving the hair away from his face, he reflects on how lucky he is to have Tinker in his life, and more importantly, how lucky he is to have someone like him love him. Runaan picks up his hand again, gently kissing the back of it. He settles back against the pillows and closes his eyes again, catching up on lost sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the beginning of this in my head so I wanted to write it and then it turned into more! I don't think this will turn into an all out fic but I think I might add another chapter later :)  
> this isn't as heavy with the body horror but there are mentions of the injury and of how the pain feels, so if your'e sensitive to either of those then please don't read this!  
> shoutout to two of my followers on twitter for helping me when it came to understanding how painful his injury must feel!!

Tinker awakes to the peaceful sound of Runaan's soft breathing, the morning sunshine warming the room. He can already feel the soreness in his body from sleeping in an uncomfortable wooden chair all night, but he doesn't mind. He'd gladly sleep awkwardly if it meant Runaan could rest with the peace of mind, knowing he was safe and by his side. His hand is asleep, still grasping his husband's, neither of them wanting to let go, especially after being apart for so long. The sunfire elf shifts in an attempt to rouse his hand from sleep, freezing as he hears Runaan stir, disappointment washing over him as the moonshadow elf slowly opens his eyes. He gazes at the room for a second before meeting eyes with Tinker. 

"I'm sorry, love, I didn't mean to wake you." he apologizes, voice sympathetic. 

Runaan smiles sleepily. "It's ok. Here, come sit." he encourages, nodding to the empty space in his bed. The sunfire elf smiles, happy to join.

Tinker carefully maneuvers himself into the soft bed, wary of his movements, so as not to harm Runaan while he was recovering. He settles into the sheets, pulling the blanket over the both of them as his husband snuggles in closer. He begins to run his hand through the other's long white hair, delighting in the peaceful look on his face, but not without noticing the occasional flashes of pain that were still present. They enjoy the peaceful silence before Tinker speaks up. 

"How do you feel?" he inquires, voice gentle, wanting to be as welcoming as possible. 

Runaan sighs. "I feel…ok. It hurts. I can't pretend it doesn't." the sunfire elf nods, understanding. "It reminds me of previous injuries, but worse, because it feels like it's there, but it isn't." he finishes, voice growing weaker as he spoke. 

"I understand. Is there anything I can do to help?" Tinker asks, pulling away to look into his eyes. 

The moonshadow elf ponders this for a second. He wasn't sure what else he could do for him. He hadn't changed his shirt since he left the castle in Katolis, and he'd need some assistance with that. He could also use some of Tinker’s healing powers when the pain increased, and although he felt selfish asking that of him, he knows he will be honest to his abilities and energy levels. 

"I haven't changed since I left the castle in the human kingdom. And I think I could use some help with that, if that's okay." he responded. Tinker nodded. 

"Also, I, um…" he stumbled. "I think I could use some of your healing powers, when you're able to again. Sometimes the pain gets too much, and sometimes my brain thinks it's still there." he finishes, motioning to his arm, wincing in pain as pain shoots up the scarred limb. He reverts his eyes in embarrassment, but Tinker gently moves his head so they're facing each other again. His eyes are warm, like outstretched arms, a crackling fireplace. 

"Of course, my love. Just tell me whenever you need it. Would you like to get changed now?"

The moonshadow elf nods, and Tinker kisses his forehead before carefully moving away, leaving the room to locate the nurse, who in the previous night, had kindly given him a clean shirt before he fell asleep. 

Minutes later, he re-enters the room, holding a clean white shirt. Runaan begins to fiddle with the hem of his dirty shirt before his husband stops him, reassuring him that he had it covered. Tinker gently holds the end of the other's shirt before looking at him. 

"Tell me if anything hurts, and I'll stop immediately." The moonshadow elf confirmed that he was okay to start, and Tinker slowly began the process. He lifted the fabric above his stomach and lower chest before reaching the area closest to the amputation. He paused, waiting for Runaan's approval before carefully maneuvering it, watching as his husband tucked his left arm inside first, making a large gap for his right side. Tinker whispered quiet reassurances and praise, impressed by Runaan's strength and progress. 

The moonshadow elf paused, taking a deep breath, the hardest part yet to come. "Ok." he affirmed, ready to get it over with. He strains as the shirt makes contact with the area of injury, and Tinker pauses before Runaan encourages him to continue. They get it off a second later, and the assassin asks for a second before they put on the other shirt. He grits his teeth against the pain, knitting his eyebrows together as he shuts his eyes, working through the seething pain coursing through his body.

A minute later, he forces himself to relax, the pain becoming more manageable. He meets eyes with Tinker, who's expression is patient and sympathetic.

"I'm ready." he affirms.

Tinker nods, cradling his face, stroking his cheek affectionately. "You did great. I'm so proud of you." he encourages, voice warm. 

He pulls back, gathering the clean shirt, which was a size larger than Runaan's usual, bunching up the bottom to make it easier to put on. Slowly placing it over his head, it hovers over his shoulders before Tinker fits the larger than normal sleeve over the amputation, cringing when the moonshadow elf began to grimace and grunt. He pauses, but Runaan nods, and he continues the process. They successfully get the worst part over, Tinker murmuring enthusiastic praises as he fits the rest of the t shirt over his his husband's body. Runaan smiles weakly, proud of his accomplishment, even if the pain didn't let itself be forgotten. After not changing clothes for so long, the assassin had forgotten how great new, clean clothes felt, as he took a relieved breath, feeling refreshed. 

Tinker sat down next to him, smiling proudly, eyes bright. "I'll be able to use my healing powers in two hours. Until then, is there anything else I can do for you?" 

"Not at the moment, no." he answers, shaking his head. "I think I just want to lay down." Runaan motioned for Tinker to join him once again, kissing his temple in gratitude before curling into the warm elf. "How do you feel?" the moonshadow elf asks after they get into a comfortable position. 

Tinker smiles, amused but thankful. Of all the things to have on his mind after having his literal arm fall off, he decides to ask him how he's doing. Every day he is reminded of why he fell in love, and is still so in love with him. 

"I'm good. My healing powers actually didn't drain me that much." he replies, surprise evident in his voice. Perhaps his adaptability and control of his powers were improving. Tinker smiles at the thought. 

Runaan turns to him, his expression a combination of pride and admiration. The sunfire elf blushes and looks away, heat blooming in his chest. He begins to tell him about the daily happenings and everything he missed while he was away. He tells him about his coworkers, about Janai and what she's been up to, and about a friendly bird-like creature that he met and fed some treats to. It makes the assassin’s heart ache with nostalgia, the memories of what he'd missed during his absence taste bittersweet. He doesn't regret going on the mission, but deep down he wishes he didn't have to, that there didn't have to be a war in the first place.

Tinker begins to play with the Runaan's hair again, and although the moonshadow elf's body feels awful and the painful memories from the past month plague him, he can't think of anywhere else he'd rather be in this moment.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Runaan deals with the mental consequences of his trauma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for panic attacks and PTSD  
> this was suggested to me by my friend!  
> I really hope I wrote his PTSD and PTSD related anxiety attack accurately. I did research before writing it so I hope it's appropriate and non offensive. if I got anything wrong please feel free to tell me in the comments or you can tweet me @thewlwswin

A week after the procedure, everything seemed to be improving well, maybe even better than normal. Runaan's wound was healing, with no signs of an infection or any type of decline in sight. He began to feel a little bit better everyday, if only a little bit. Tinker stays by his side, keeping him company and supporting him throughout his recovery as he takes on this new aspect of his life. They sleep together in Runaan's hospital bed, something they were almost sneakily doing until a nurse noticed, laughing and reassuring them that it was fine as long as the assassin didn't sleep on his injury. Having Tinker by his side throughout the nights helped in obvious ways, but his company was especially soothing when the pain flared up in the middle of the night. He was able to distract him from the pain, as they talked about anything and everything. They even talk about Rayla, despite the fact that the memory of her and the mystery of her whereabouts still stung. Runaan would kiss his husband's head when he’d realize that he'd fallen asleep, carefully pulling the blanket over him as he holds him, his mind not letting him sleep quite yet. 

In addition to the nagging pain from his arm that was still present, he also began to notice small things that caused a tight feeling of anxiety in his chest- tiny, casual things that shouldn't have made him anxious, but they did. He soon realized that they were things he'd encountered in the dungeon when he was captured- jars with mysterious liquids inside, sharp spears guards and soldiers held, and worst of all, chains, the same gadget that held him to the cold wall, confining him to an uncomfortable position; holding him prisoner, causing him to give up any hope of fighting for freedom. The chains, along with his debilitating injuries, had been enough to cause him to feel hopeless and numb. 

He brushed off these small occurrences, knowing he shouldn't get so anxious over small, everyday things. He just wanted to heal properly and be able to go back home as soon as possible. That didn't stop them from returning to his subconscious every now and then, revealing itself, tugging the painful memories from the past into the forefront. Runaan utilized his years of meditation skills to try and calm his racing subconscious, and it helped, for the most part. 

Until it doesn't. 

The nurses wheel in a clanky, metallic table, its compartments filled with medicine and other first aid supplies. The sound of the metal clanking and adjusting immediately reminds Runaan of the dark mage who interrogated him as he was chained to the wall, merciless in his strategies to get him to open up and help him. The other man then placed his staff, almost roughly, in front of him as he chanted a spell; his tone horrifyingly monotone and poised, unphased by the cruel torture he doled out. The roughness of the table caused the moonshadow elf to flinch, and out of the corner of his eye, he sees Tinker eye him suspiciously. Runaan tries his best to remind himself that it wasn't an enchanted item that would swirl him into another dimension or prison, and that it was just a normal table that made a similar noise. 

The strong scent of metallic filled his senses as the doctors began to prepare the medicine for him. The smell of metal reminded him of the being trapped in the horribly cramped, horribly endless hell that was the coin. His heart raced as the doctors offered him his medicine, suddenly pulling his consciousness back to when Viren had relentlessly offered him food and water as a cheap way of faking sympathy, lying about pretending that he cared if he'd died in his dungeon or not. The reminder is painful, bringing him back to feeling deeply hopeless, and deeply unable to do anything. He wished he could scrub that awful feeling from his memories; it gnawed away at his common sense, robbed him of his freedom. 

He hated it. 

Heat rose in Runaan's chest as a scream broke through. He forcefully pushed the blankets and sheets off of him. They felt like chains, holding him against his will, pressing him into the mattress of his bed. The fabric flies onto the floor as he jerked his body to the back of his bed, his arm shot hot fire through his arm due to the quick motions, but he didn't care. 

"I will never help you!" he screamed, anger flaring through his chest, his throat turning sore from the force he commanded. He dug his nails into his pillow, defending himself from the danger that wasn't there, shakily holding it in front of his body as he screamed. "I'll kill you before you get the chance to get near me again!" he snarled at one of the nurses, no longer seeing them as kin, but rather, convinced that it was one of the human guards. 

The nurses gaped in surprise, startled by the outburst. Part of their job was being able to handle things like this, as they often had patients who struggled with PTSD. They understood what was happening, and looked to Tinker for a plan, as he knew him best. Tinker looked horrified, tears threatening to fall as he watched his husband relive the tormenting memories. He quickly gathered his composure, and politely motioned for the nurses to leave, prompting them to excuse themselves quietly. 

Tinker turned back to Runaan as soon as the staff had left the room. "Hey, moonlight, I know it's scary." he started, voice gentle and low. "I know you must feel like you're someplace scary, but I promise you're home, in Xadia." 

The moonshadow elf continued to hold the makeshift weapon in front of his body, his entire body trembled with fear as he panted with anger, teeth gritting together as his muscles strained impossibly hard, almost as if he was trying to escape invisible shackles. 

"There's no one to hide from or hurt. No one's going to hurt you, and I won't let them." Tinker continued, keeping his voice calm and reassuring. "I promise nobody's here to hurt you. You can breathe." Thankfully Runaan seemed to react to this, as his breathing came down from harsh, quickened pants to relatively normal breathing, now laden with shallow wheezes. 

"There you go, great. You're in a safe place, I'm here. You're safe." He inched closer to Runaan when he deemed it safe, staying wary of his body language and the fact that he was still in flight mode; keeping his movements steady and slow. 

"I'm so scared." the moonshadow elf whimpered, tears formed in the corners of his eyes, wetting the soft fabric of the pillow that was cushioned against his cheek. His senses slowly came back to him, as he noticed that his arm was free, and that there were no chains to hold him back. Frustration and disappointment took the place of anger and resentment. 

"I know you are, I'm here." Tinker soothed, as he slowly moved closer to the hospital bed. He gingerly reached his hand towards the pillow Runaan still held onto. The assassin showed no signs of hostility and made no sudden moves, so the sunfire elf continued his efforts. 

He gently held the edge of the cushion. "Is it ok if we put this down? I promise you don't have to fight anymore. No one's going to hurt you." Despite his fear, Runaan nodded, and together they both slowly put it down and placed it beside him. "Very good, I'm so proud of you." Tinker encouraged. 

"Is it ok if I touch you?" he asked, knowing that touching him too soon and without warning in situations like this could make him feel trapped. His husband nodded, and he interlaced their fingers while beginning to rub soothing circles into his back with his other hand. 

"Let's take deep breaths" he suggested, knowing that the shallow wheezes that racked his body would prevent him from being fully relaxed. Tinker began the deep breaths, encouraging Runaan to follow. "Just focus on my hand." 

He stumbled at first, but finally regained his breathing to normal after half a minute before deepening them. The sunfire elf smiled, proud of his progress. "There you go."

Runaan looked around at the room around him, tears blurring his eyes as he noticed the state of his now torn apart bed, along with the absence of the nurses. A sob rose in his throat, the lump in his throat choking him as he realized the consequences of his actions. He'd scared away the nurses and torn apart their bed, and they were only there to help him. He can't imagine how scared they must've felt in the middle of his episode. Tears began to fall as he curled in on himself, scared of his mind and of how he'd acted in front of the hospital staff. Tinker climbed into his bed and held him as he cried on his shoulder, holding him close and murmuring soft reassurances. 

“I can’t believe I did that...they must’ve been so scared.” he whimpered, fearing the worst.

The sunfire elf shook his head. “They were just surprised. They’re trained to deal with this sort of thing.”

He considered it and realized that his husband was right. “I just feel bad.”

“That’s normal. We’ll get through this together.”

Runaan was filled with a variety of strong emotions: regret, anger, frustration, sadness, and most of all, fear. He feared what happened to him, but most of all, he feared what it had done to his mind. He'd never encountered this kind of state, it was a kind of storm cloud that seemed to overtake all of his senses and bring him back to how he felt at the time of his trauma. It made him feel helpless. After an hour of crying, he spoke up again.

“I think I’m ok now...I think I can handle it.” the moonshadow elf began, finally feeling completely like himself again. “But...without the table.” 

Tinker smiled at him. “I’ll go tell them.” He returned a minute later with a nurse who held a bottle of medicine. The nurse and Tinker agreed that only one of the staff should enter the room, so as not to overwhelm Runaan. He took it easily, and his husband held his hand as he did so, the both of them thanking the nurse as he left the room. 

Runaan looked outside. The weather was nice; the sun was out, and there were few clouds in the sky, allowing for the blue skies to shine. He turns to the sunfire elf. 

“Maybe we should go for a walk.” he suggests. 

They’d gone on a few in the past week, as they didn’t have many options. They were still glad for the great weather, though, and walks were a good way for them to relax and refresh. Tinker agrees, and they step into the sunshine, the both of them immediately noticing a change in their mood and energy level. They see birds, new flowers that had just bloomed, and small elf children playing with their families. It makes them feel new again.


End file.
